Archive for December 2014

Smokin Outhouse

December 29, 2014

THE THREE BARES by Robert William Service

Ma tried to wash her garden slacks but couldn’t get em clean And so she thought she’d soak ’em in a bucket o’ benzine. It worked all right. She wrung ’em out then wondered what she’d do With all that bucket load of high explosive residue. She knew that it was dangerous to scatter it around, For Grandpa liked to throw his lighted matches on the ground. Somehow she didn’t dare to pour it down the kitchen sink, And what the heck to do with it, poor Ma jest couldn’t think.

Then Nature seemed to give the clue, as down the garden lot She spied the edifice that graced a solitary spot, Their Palace of Necessity, the family joy and pride, Enshrined in morning-glory vine, with graded seats inside; Jest like that cabin Goldylocks found occupied by three, But in this case B-E-A-R was spelt B-A-R-E—- A tiny seat for Baby Bare, a medium for Ma, A full-sized section sacred to the Bare of Grandpapa.

Well, Ma was mighty glad to get that worry off her mind, And hefting up the bucket so combustibly inclined, She hurried down the garden to that refuge so discreet, And dumped the liquid menace safely through the centre seat.

Next morning old Grandpa arose; he made a hearty meal, And sniffed the air and said: `By Gosh! how full of beans I feel. Darned if I ain’t as fresh as paint; my joy will be complete With jest a quiet session on the usual morning seat; To smoke me pipe an’ meditate, an’ maybe write a pome, For that’s the time when bits o’ rhyme gits jiggin’ in me dome.’

He sat down on that special seat slicked shiny by his age, And looking like Walt Whitman, jest a silver-whiskered sage, He filled his corn-cob to the brim and tapped it snugly down, And chuckled: `Of a perfect day I reckon this the crown.’ He lit the weed, it soothed his need, it was so soft and sweet: And then he dropped the lighted match clean through the middle seat.

His little grand-child Rosyleen cried from the kichen door: `Oh, Ma, come quick; there’s sompin wrong; I heared a dreffel roar; Oh, Ma, I see a sheet of flame; it’s rising high and higher… Oh, Mummy dear, I sadly fear our comfort-cot’s caught fire.’

Poor Ma was thrilled with horror at them words o’ Rosyleen. She thought of Grandpa’s matches and that bucket of benzine; So down the garden geared on high, she ran with all her power, For regular was Grandpa, and she knew it was his hour. Then graspin’ gaspin’ Rosyleen she peered into the fire, A roarin’ soarin’ furnace now, perchance old Grandpa’s pyre….

But as them twain expressed their pain they heard a hearty cheer—- Behold the old rapscallion squattinn’ in the duck pond near, His silver whiskers singed away, a gosh-almighty wreck, Wi’ half a yard o’ toilet seat entwined about his neck….

He cried: `Say, folks, oh, did ye hear the big blow-out I made? It scared me stiff – I hope you-uns was not too much afraid? But now I best be crawlin’ out o’ this dog-gasted wet…. For what I aim to figger out is—-WHAT THE HECK I ET?’

 Smokin outhouse

OK, I came across this ditty from my old pal Robt. Service and I realized I must have saved it because of a thing I did when I was a kid. We had an old relic of a car in the back field, I think it was a Model ‘T’, and I was playing in it and found to my surprise and delight that it still had gas in the tank. Being the enterprising youngster that I was, I figured out how to siphon that gas out into a bucket. As I remember, it took more than one bucket.

Anyway, now that I had the buckets full of gas, what to do with it? I couldn’t let it go to waste and I probably didn’t want to bring it to anyone’s attention what I had done. I looked around and spotted the outhouse that was only 20 or 30 yards away. Well, what better use? It was smelly and had bugs in it and who knows what else. So I hauled the buckets over and poured them down the hole. Didn’t seem enough. Those dang bugs and stuff were already surviving some pretty frightful conditions and some gas fumes probably weren’t going to bother them much. Well, I bet if I threw a match in there it would make a difference! So, I snuck into the house and found some stick matches and ran back to the outhouse.

When I threw that match into the hole there was a tremendous ‘whoosh’ and I fell back into the field as a huge column of black, greasy smoke billowed out of the outhouse and covered the neighborhood. I asked Mildred Hardenbrook, who lived behind us, about five years ago- she was about 90 then, if she remembered that and she said, “Oh, yes! I remember!”

I thought that darn fire would go on forever! It took hours to burn out and all that time it stunk and created a terrible spectacle and I just wanted it to be over with. I do think it took care of those pesky bugs and whatnot though.

It was a very good year~2014

December 25, 2014

  I’ve gotten a little lazy in the last couple of years.  I haven’t kept up my blog, Chronospots, as I should and haven’t put together a Christmas Card and family update as I have in past years.  About 30 years, I think.  So, I’m feeling a little guilty about that and decided that I would kill two birds with one stone and do this.    This being a years-end newsletter and a blog posting together. 

To start off, Patty and I went to Hawaii and Oahu last November (big surprise) and had a great time.  We actually left the end of October and got back about mid-November.  Then we went back to Maui and Oahu from February 7th until March 3rd.  We did our usual whale watch thing with the Pacific Whale Foundation and had about 2 ½ weeks at the Ka’anapali Beach Resort and then about a week at The Hale Koa at Waikiki before catching a hop home.  The only fly in the ointment was that we flew over on Hawaiian Airlines and left our car at Travis AFB because we were coming home on an Air Force cargo plane.  But they changed the rules on us and since we weren’t flying out on a hop, we weren’t able to leave our car in short-term parking and had to leave it in the BX parking lot instead.  We were gone a month and I worried that something would happen to the car the whole time.  We had talked to the Security Police about it and they said they couldn’t promise anything but that it should be OK.  I worried about it anyway. 

 Happy Hour @ Ka'anapali Beach Resort -2 IMG_3873

Patty@ Ka’anapali Beach Resort        

 IZ on the Bose, Mimosas in the jug  and Jack’s toes  waiting on  the sunset  

Then, in April, Patty went to Salt Lake City with some of her genealogy buddies and had a great time talking about and searching for dead people in the Mormon Library for a week.  Patty has proven 17 ancestors that served in the Revolutionary War so far.  She has another 5 in the works.  She is the Registrar for the Crater Lake Branch of DAR and is also a member of The Mayflower Society.  I guess she’s shooting for her own regiment in the Revolutionary War. 

She got back from Utah and spent about a week with me before heading to Seattle on the 18th of April where she spent some time on Patos Island getting it ready for the tourist season and also spent some time with Susan.  She came home on the 24th.  It seems like she can only take me for a few weeks at a time.  I can understand that and I don’t blame her.  Who wants to be around an old man in his 70’s?  I wasn’t that easy to take when I was in my 30’s.  

Patos 2 2014

Anyway, we went to Kala Point on one of our quarterly weeks on May 9th and had a good week there with pleasant weather and then hurried home to host The Magnificent Seven which is(are?) six of Patty’s Springfield High School classmates from the class of ’62.  (That’s 1962.)   We had a great time with them and took in the Oregon Cabaret’s production of the SHS 10 year reunion.   Also drank some wine and beer (what a bunch of hosers!)

Best @ Caldera

@ Caldera Brewery Restaurant (Vicky is missing)






Patty went back to Hell’s Canyon with some of her Forest Service friends from May 30 to June 9th.  They had to boat in from Idaho on the Snake River and spent about a week building trail and cairns.


Again, she was home less than a week and then left for The San Juan’s again.  She spent another week working on several islands including Lopez, Patos and Shaw. 

 Patty has volunteered with The Children’s Festival in Jacksonville for several years and this year she dragged Samuel along with her.  He went because he needed the Community Volunteer hours for graduation but when he got there he found some of his friends and classmates so I think he enjoyed it.  I know Patty liked having him there to help out and I understand he was a big help.

On July 31st Patty drove down to Reno with the Magnificent Seven to celebrate Vickie and Lyle’s 50th Anniversary and enjoy Hot August Nights.  Patty caught a ride in her brother Scotty’s ’69 Camero. 

Reno 2014 3 Scotty's Camero

 Back to Patos for another week of clean-up and frivolity.  Again, Patty took Samuel with her and again, I think he enjoyed it even if he was stuck with Grandma and her friends. 

 Patty & Sam  2~ Patos, Aug 2014 Gang of Orcas Patos Is.

Patty & Sam on a paddleboard

Gang of Orcas @ Patos



In September we were visited by Tom & Sheryl Cray, a cousin that Patty didn’t even know until they met up online looking for mutual ancestors.  As a matter of fact, Patty has found quite a few cousins that way.  They flew out from Chester Iowa where Tom is the mayor and owns an insurance company.  We took them to Crater Lake and to the Oregon Cabaret.  Then, at the end of September, Patty flew up to Seattle to meet Susan and start their third European Adventure together.  As usual it was meticulously planned by Susan and all Patty had to do was show up.   They started off in Venice, just a few days after Clooney’s wedding so they missed him.  I’m sure he was disappointed but c’est la vie. 

Venice selfie 4Canal in Borano

Selfie on the Grand Canal                                   Canal @ Borano


From there they went to the Loire Valley in France where Susan had booked some fantastic accommodations and a hot-air balloon ride over the valley.

Balloon over Loire Valley   OK, that may not have been where they stayed but it was in the neighborhood.






They finished up in Iceland before heading home.

Blue LagoonBlue Lagoon





When Patty got home from Europe, we hung around for about a week and then we went back to Kala Point for a week and got back the first of November.  The thing that was special about that was that the fall colors were at their peak on the peninsula while we were there and they were just peaking in Ashland when we got home. 

At the end of November we headed south again to catch a flight back to Hawaii.  We had a week booked at Bellows AFS on the windward side of Oahu and then a week at the Hale Koa at Waikiki

Patty @ Bellows 3 IMG_4216

Patty catching the sunrise @ Bellows AFS

Honolulu Hale (City Hall)




Well, that’s the year for the super self-indulgent Ware’s.  In past years, the Card/newsletter has been mostly about the rest of the family.  We’re getting selfish in our old age.  However, we are extremely proud of all our kids and their accomplishments so bear with me for a little longer. 

Traci is very busy as an Educational Assistant in the Ashland schools and libraries.  She seems to have all the work she wants and is in constant demand.  She keeps very busy with her crafts and scrapbooking and is totally devoted to Samuel and Gabriel.  Rene has a full schedule at Southern Oregon University and works weekends on Master’s Programs off campus and out of town.  During the summer he teaches Master’s Programs at Copenhagen Business School and usually gets in a lot of travelling too.  Sometimes he teaches in Guanajuato,  Mexico.  This year they are all travelling to Naga City to visit family after he gets back from Denmark.  Samuel is planning on pursuing an engineering degree at Oregon State University so we’ll be rooting for the Beavers (except when they’re playing the Ducks (we do that anyway).  And Gabriel will be in his Sophomore year at Ashland High School.  He’s very close to becoming an Eagle Scout and still helps out at the Medford Train Park during summer weekends.  I’m sure Patty will be after him to help out with her volunteer activities now that Samuel has escaped her clutches. 

Susan and Kai are both still working at Microsoft (and I hope they always will be since I think it’s the greatest place on the planet to work).  I don’t know what they do but it’s very technical and complicated and they’re always going off somewhere on business.  They’re both Program Managers which doesn’t explain anything.  Kai’s actually with CompuCom Systems, Inc. but that’s under Microsoft.  Of course Kai is also heavily involved with several bands of a totally eclectic mix.  The Bucharest Drinking Team, The Debaucherauntes, Shiplosion and this summer he toured the East Coast with a group called DAMA/LIBRA.  

That’s it.  Thanks for sticking with me through this long (sorry) posting.  If I’d been more diligent about posting it wouldn’t have been so long. 

%d bloggers like this: