Archive for September 2014

TLAP

September 17, 2014

jrackam

This Friday is International Talk Like A Pirate day. The religious holiday for Pastafarians is on Friday, 19 September, 2014.  It’s why I never forget Kai’s birthday; he was born on TLAP eve.  The correlation between pirates and the Flying Spaghetti Monster is illustrated in the Wikipedia article below:

 

Pirates and global warming

PiratesVsTemp

A chart that, according to Bobby Henderson, correlates the number of pirates with global temperature

According to Pastafarian “beliefs”, pirates are “absolute divine beings” and the original Pastafarians.[7] Furthermore, Pastafarians believe that the concept of pirates as “thieves and outcasts” is misinformation spread by Christian theologians in the Middle Ages and by Hare Krishnas. Instead, Pastafarians believe that they were “peace-loving explorers and spreaders of good will” who distributed candy to small children, adding that modern pirates are in no way similar to “the fun-loving buccaneers from history”. In addition, Pastafarians believe that ghost pirates are responsible for all of the mysteriously lost ships and planes of the Bermuda Triangle. Pastafarians celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 19.[38]

  • The inclusion of pirates in Pastafarianism was part of Henderson’s original letter to the Kansas State Board of Education, in an effort to illustrate that correlation does not imply causation.[39] Henderson presented the argument that “global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of pirates since the 1800s”.[7] A chart accompanying the letter (with numbers humorously disordered on the x-axis) shows that as the number of pirates decreased, global temperatures increased. This parodies the suggestion from some religious groups that the high numbers of disasters, famines, and wars in the world is due to the lack of respect and worship toward their deity. In 2008, Henderson interpreted the growing pirate activities at the Gulf of Aden as additional support, pointing out that Somalia has “the highest number of pirates and the lowest carbon emissions of any country”.

The fact that TLAP day this year happens to correspond to the day that Patty’s cousin from Iowa (whom she has never met) is coming to visit us is just her tough luck. What do people from Iowa know about pirates anyway? I’m sure they have some scurvy scalawags in Des Moines but they just don’t have the élan and savoir-faire of a pirate. They’ll be getting an education, won’t they!

In my meager attempt at proselytizing, I’ll provide some links to some resources on the web for pirate-worthy lingo so you can fit in:

 

BTW, there’s a BIG difference between swashing and swishing. Don’t get them mixed up!

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A Girl Named Sue

September 8, 2014

1983 Estacada

A girl named Sue

Let me tell you a story about a girl named Sue

Never would do what her parents told her to

Dropped out of school and out of college too

Wouldn’t clean her room (seen better lairs in a zoo)!

 

She ate junk food and listened to Aerosmith

Palled around with friends that gave her poor dad fits

Then one day she said she’d had enough

Couldn’t stand her parents and packed up all her stuff.

 

She left her mom and dad, such sweet and gentle souls

And went into the world to see what her future holds

Her only talent appeared to be her skill at video games

A very promising future in the gamers “Hall of Fame”.

 

Well, to make this short she landed on her feet

And found the nicest guy you’d ever want to meet

Although he is a drummer in a hard rock band

He also has a job and in the house he gives a hand.

 

Sue went to work for a guy named Bill

Himself a dropout so he held her no ill will

She makes a lot of money, way more than her parents do

Although they’ve worked and trained for more than a decade or two.

 

Now she eats fruits and veggies, her and her vegan friend

And they have their own house to clean, keep up and mend

She has a big fat mortgage, insurance and taxes too

She’s now part of the system,  Who’d have thought it?  Poor Sue!

 

The perfect end to this story, and it tickles me to think

If SHE had a willful daughter that drove her to the brink

Her perfect mom and dad would watch with hidden glee

And Sue would ask for our advice, which we always give for free!

Jailbirds


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