Patty and Jack


I am constantly amazed and delighted by women in general and Patty in particular.   I firmly believe that women are much more evolved than men and frankly, I don’t know why they put up with us.  If I were a woman, I would definitely be a lesbian.  Look around and you will see what I mean.  See that hairy, fat, bald and totally gross guy with the beautiful woman.  Think Sandra Bullock and Jesse James or Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods or Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton and you’ll see what I mean.  All women in a heterosexual relationship are settling.   And it’s not just looks either, they’re just better people.  They’re generally more reasonable, thoughtful, caring and considerate.  At least that’s been my experience. 

That’s not to say they’re perfect.  Their ability to remember things for decades that you’d rather forget is sometimes troublesome.  For instance, about thirty years ago Patty once went for three days without speaking to me and I didn’t notice.  She reminds me of that pretty frequently when we’re discussing how thoughtless and inconsiderate I am.   And I am thoughtless and inconsiderate, I once left her in an apartment in Panama with a large stalk of bananas and very little furniture while I went on a two or three week trip to somewhere in South America.  Another time I neglected to take the trash out when she mentioned it, so she took it out and tripped and broke a bone in her foot and ended up with a cast on her leg while she was eight months pregnant in Panama. 

I sometimes wonder why she stuck around.  I’m not the easiest guy in the world to get along with and I don’t have a lot going for me.  I’m pretty average in most respects, I’m a lousy dancer and I’m not wealthy, so why?  I don’t know why.  I’m just happy she has.  And I think that our relationship isn’t very different from a lot of other couples.  The man is happily unaware of what a totally despicable person he is and the woman is patiently carrying the burden of trying to make the world a better place while ensuring the propagation of the species. 

I’ve heard that we may evolve to the point where we attain the capability for asexual reproduction and if that happens the future doesn’t look good for me.   Because, really, that’s the only thing we’re good for…reproduction.  And we know that, that’s why we’re so fixated on it.  And we suck at that too.  For instance, we
send a couple million sperm out to fertilize one egg and frequently don’t succeed because they don’t know where they’re going and are too stupid to ask for directions.  Men are typical of other species in this regard.  I used to have a hazelnut orchard and the pollinizer trees would send out clouds of pollen (male sperm) just looking for an egg somewhere.   They don’t care if it’s another hazelnut tree or a Canadian thistle, they just want to get laid. 

Men are flawed and have screwed up everything.  War is a guy thing and religions were pretty much invented by men and used to keep women in subjugation.  Politics and law have been man-dominated forever as is business, finance, and science.   Why?  Are we smarter than women?  Hardly!  Mostly it’s might makes right which is how we gain power, both individually and in groups or nations.   That is slowly changing but the jury is out on whether it is quick enough to save us as a species.

Well, Patty has been gone for almost three weeks on a trip to Europe and this is what happens to me when she’s gone.  I’ve got too much time on my hands and I’ve lost direction and focus and I begin to ramble.  I think maybe I should try to talk her out of these trips she takes, but then I realize that wouldn’t be good.  That would just make her frustrated and that’s the last thing you want…a frustrated woman around.  It’s better for both of us if she goes to enjoy the lavender field around a monastery in southern France without me, since they probably won’t have a brew pub anyway.

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5 Comments on “Patty and Jack”


  1. […] Patty and Jack […]

  2. Sandy Says:

    Well said Jack.
    Sandy

  3. Donna Says:

    Jack, I think you are way too hard on yourself. But then that’s what a woman can do to you. You see, they really do rule, but without the men realizing it. They are sly and cunning and make the men think they are kings.

    Donna

    • limberjack Says:

      Hope to see you and Dave at our ’59 and ’62 reunions next month. I guess I’ll give Kevan a call and try and get him there too.

      King Jack


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