Archive for March 2011

I have been saved…maybe

March 21, 2011

I’ve noticed that people get really upset with you if you don’t have ANY religion (they get upset with you if you don’t share THEIR religion too) so I’ve been thinking of believing in Pastafarianism.   However, before I fully embrace this religion I’d like to have some
questions answered.  When I was a kid and taking catechism classes, if I asked a question I would frequently get a stern look and admonished that it was a matter of faith.  With Pastafarianism there isn’t any authority that I know of so I’m just asking the web.

First, is there any tomato sauce on the Flying Spaghetti Monster?  I’m pretty sure there are meatballs but the pictures I’ve seen don’t show any tomato sauce dripping off him or any bay leaves either.  If it is a matter of contention, do I have to hate people who believe there is or isn’t and throw rocks at them or something?

Second, is the FSM pleasant or mean?  I mean if he created the universe and everything in it, why did he invent colds, viruses,
cancer, wars, and the IRS?  Why did he create us?  Was it so we could worship him?  Ooops, I guess I should be referring to It
with a capitol I.  That’s going to take some getting used to.  If It just wants someone to worship It, isn’t that sorta petty?

Third, what’s the plan?  Where are we going with this?  Is the FSM going to get tired of this at some point and flush everything?
Or will it all end up with everyone going to FSM heaven and drinking beer and eating garlic cheesy bread and looking like Megan Fox and Matthew McConaughey on steroids?  That’s the preferred option for me, obviously.

Fourth, I kinda like the belief that the decline in pirates has caused global warming and the obvious correlation that proves it and I also like observing ‘Talk Like a Pirate Day’ but do I have to give up Thanksgiving and Christmas or St. Patrick’s Day?

Fifth, is this going to cost me anything and do I have to do anything.  I hope not, I’m pretty busy now and I just bought a car so…

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