Heaven and Hell


Patty’s off on another adventure, this time to Paris with Susan, and I’m left with time on my hands.  I got to looking through some of the stuff I’ve saved on my computer and found this item I’d written when Patty left me before…

I’ve been thinking…

Probably a result of Patty being gone and too much time on my hands.  Anyway, today being Easter and all, I was thinking about Heaven and logistics and the fact that there are now six and a half BILLION people in the world.  It took us all of history and until about 1850 to reach one billion but, exponential curves being what they are, we’re now tacking on another billion every decade or so.  It’s getting pretty crowded.  The Creationists figure that the world population exceeded today’s figures by several billion but were reduced to a world population of 8 about 3500 BC during the flood.  This is fascinating stuff. 

The point of all this is that the Creationists figure that there have been about 300 Billion people that have ever lived.  How many of those do you figure matriculated to Heaven?  The Southern Baptists don’t figure there are any Methodists there and probably only other Southern Baptists.  Northern Baptists say, “They ain’t no Hell!”  Southern Baptists say, “The Hell they ain’t!”  (Quoted from Brother Dave Gardner, Circa 1960)   But, supposing that the entry requirements are more lenient than the Southern Baptists think they are, won’t it be pretty crowded up there?  What about the logistics of taking care of up to 300 Billion souls?  What are the Civil Engineering requirements?  Assuming plenty of water and adequate sewerage facilities, do people eat?  Cows?  What do they do all day?   I know I’m getting a little bored right here (ergo this mailing) and I can watch the Sci Fi channel all day now that Patty’s not here.  And I’ve got the Internet and e-mail jokes from Joe.  (Will Joe have my e-mail address if I make it to Heaven?) 

But wait a minute, I shouldn’t be worrying about Heaven because I haven’t been saved!  There are murderers on death row that found Jesus and GWB with the blood of hundreds of thousands on his hands is apparently a shoo-in but I can’t go because I don’t think right.  Jerry Falwell and Jim Baker are OK.  Some of the others that apparently made it are Tomas Torquemada, all of the the Borgias, and Vlad the Impaler who fought on the side of good against the Turks.   I’m not sure I want to go there but I also don’t want to burn in Hell for eternity.  Seems a little harsh.  What did I do that would warrant such a vicious punishment?  Was Hell invented by the same God that invented the Universe and Heaven?  Why? 

OK, Patty is going to have to stop leaving me like this.  I really need to be anchored to the real world.  Patty always stops me from going off on these tangents.  She’d tell me to go for a walk and get some exercise.   Maybe I’ll do that.  I would have done that yesterday but my horoscope wouldn’t let me.  Something about the Moon being out to get me so I stayed hunkered down and watching Sci Fi all day.  I don’t know what the planets have in store for me today because I didn’t get the paper.  

Well, I see that Joe is back.  He’s been off somewhere and now has hundreds of e-mails backed up and they’re starting to hit my inbox. 

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One Comment on “Heaven and Hell”


  1. […] Heaven and Hell  December 6, […]


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